Why I Hate Parties

12 Dec

I went to a Christmas party on the weekend where I hardly knew anybody, mostly hubby’s work-related peers. So already I’m on foreign territory. It was a wine-tasting, which was very nice, because I like wine. The hostess put out some nice trays of cheese, crackers and grapes. Those were good too, except when I realized I’d eaten a hair. I pulled it out of my mouth. It was too long to be mine. Don’t you just hate when that happens?

Somebody asked me what I do.  A rush of anxiety hit me, because I don’t have a regular job anymore, and I never know what to tell people.

I retired early from nursing, just couldn’t hack the hours or the pressure, struggled with depression, yadda yadda — I would never talk about this in a room full of friends, let alone strangers. If I say, ‘I’m a retired nurse’ to keep it short and sweet, people tell me I look too young to be retired, and then I look like a slacker. 

If I tell them I’m a writer, it’s like opening Pandora’s Box. They look at me like they should know who I am. “Are your books at Chapters*?” they usually ask.

The Evil Nancy inside of me wants to snort back, “Sure my book’s at Chapters. You can’t miss it. It’s in a huge display, right between Stephen King’s new book and Steve Job’s biography.” 

Don’t these people realize selling a book in Chapters (*the Canadian version of Barnes & Noble) is the artistic equivalent of being Sandra Bullock? In other words, you have to be a star to be front and center at Chapters. Even to be on the smaller shelves, you need to have a large publisher.

If I say, “I’m self-published” I’m afraid they might back away, like I have bad breath, or leprosy. I can almost hear them thinking, “She’s not a REAL author” and then I look pathetic.

If I say, “I don’t do anything”, I look lazy.

I wish I could say, “I’m an administrative assistant at BuyMe Tools.” That sounds like a ‘normal’ job.

But then I’d be lying.

So what did I tell this person? I didn’t tell them anything. I pretended to sneeze, excused myself to run off for a tissue, and avoided them for the rest of the night. It worked like a charm.

Did I mention I hate parties?

6 Responses to “Why I Hate Parties”

  1. fandina72 December 12, 2011 at 2:18 am #

    LOL This is funny…well, to read about, anyway 🙂 I’m sure it wasn’t too much fun for you on the night.
    I lurve parties!!! Although, I admit, I still have a day job (unfortunately!) so have not had to face answering that question with “I’m a writer”.
    You could always say something philosophical like “What do any of us really do, anyway?” 🙂

    • nancyelizabethlauzon December 12, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

      That’s a good idea, I hadn’t thought of approaching it that way. Thanks for the tip!

  2. the writ and the wrote December 12, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    I feel the same way. People look at me like I’m insane when I tell them I’m a writer. I have a day job, but it’s part time, which leaves me lots of time to write. I haven’t yet found my friends or family to be supportive of my writing career, though. They think it’s just a hobby, a phase that I’ll get over soon. And I hate parties. They stress me out and aren’t any fun.

    • nancyelizabethlauzon December 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

      Yeah, mine started as a hobby too, but I try to let everyone know I’m serious about it. Thanks for stopping by with your comments!

  3. Selena Robins Musings December 12, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    LOL! Funny blog, and I know some of the things that happened are unpleasant, but I can picture all that happening. If there’s going to be a hair in the food, it would be on your plate. I enjoy smaller gatherings with people that I know and understand my quirky sense of humor, which means, it would be an extremely small gathering. LOL Nancy, you write wonderful mysteries, be proud!

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