Clutter F**k Club – Dieting

3 Jan

If your life is a Clutter F**k, you’ve come to the right blog. Whether you want to shed pounds, toxic people, bad relationships, bad habits, bad karma, bad debt, old technology, mind-numbing jobs, closet clutter, debris-filled drawers,  garage garbage, collateral damage, filthy finances, litter-filled lavatories, rubbishy rec rooms or scrap heaps of scrapbooks, the Clutter  F**k Club will be held every Tuesday. We’ll discuss ways to rid our lives of every kind of clutter so we can make room for positive, life-affirming energy!

See this picture? It’s fat. Seven pounds of human fat. Okay, it’s not actually fat, it’s a representation of fat (also called ‘adipose tissue’) made of rubber.

This piece of fat sits on the desk of my new diet coach’s office. It’s very motivating, don’t you think?

I’ve been on several different diets. Some have been successful. I lost 30 pounds in time for my daughter’s wedding and looked fabulous.

But then I hit The Pause. Yes, that stupid, hormone altering, hot-flashing, metabolic nightmare called menopause. Now I put on weight looking at chocolate. All the usual diets don’t work anymore, and I’m heavier than I’ve ever been in my life. I have bad sugar cravings. I feel like I’m living in someone else’s body.

I tried to exercise and ended up injuring my shoulder. Scratch that. I hate exercise anyway. The only thing I like to do is dog-walking. But dogs have a tendency to stop and pee at every bush. Not exactly an aerobic workout.

My daughter works at a hospital with a lot of overweight nurses, God love them. Nurses don’t have time for diets or exercise, because they’re too busy working their holes off. But these nurses have been on something called the Ideal Protein Diet.

And it’s working. They’re losing weight, and keeping it off.

I’m in. I’m a sucker for anything new. I won’t bore you with the technical details, but in layman’s terms, it consists of 4 phases. The first phase is extreme, where you cut out all simple and complex sugars in your diet (a.k.a. carbs). That forces your body to burn your fat stores. Once you’ve burned enough fat, you gradually introduce carbs again.

I like the idea of fat melting off my body, like butter in a pan.  Apparently I could lose up to 20 pounds a month.

20 pounds a month!

This might be a complete waste of time, but it sounds logical, so I’ve signed up. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

If anyone would like to join me, I’d love it. We can compare notes and pounds lost. So if there’s anyone else out there who is starting a diet, please let me know how it’s going for you. I’d love to hear from you!

3 Responses to “Clutter F**k Club – Dieting”

  1. Angela Scott January 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    Yeah, totally let me know how that goes. I SUCK at dieting. I hate it. I HATE exercise even worse (though I do go to the pool–stupid swimsuit–and walk laps since I have bum knee). I want a magical pill. Or a magical wand to wave over my head. I would love to shed some poundage but I have very little restraint.

    Your picture was nasty 🙂

    Keep me in the loop and let me know how horrible errr, I mean, how wonderful the protein diet thing is.

    • nancyelizabethlauzon January 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      I’ve already lost 8 1/2 pounds in 10 days. It’s crazy. And I’m not hungry, and I’m not craving sugar. I’m very impressed with the diet so far. It’s actually not as bad as I thought it would be.

      Thanks for stopping by with your comments, Angela!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Adventures in De-Cluttering « The Chick Dick Mysteries - April 25, 2012

    […] Lose 40 pounds – see Dieting and Diet Update: Phantom […]

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