Clutter F**k Club – Diet Update: Phantom Bacon

31 Jan

If your life is a Clutter F**k, you’ve come to the right blog. Whether you want to shed pounds, toxic people, bad relationships, bad habits, bad karma, bad debt, old technology, mind-numbing jobs, closet clutter, debris-filled drawers, garage garbage, collateral damage, filthy finances, litter-filled lavatories, rubbishy rec rooms or scrap heaps of scrapbooks, the Clutter F**k Club will be held every Tuesday. We’ll discuss ways to rid our lives of every kind of clutter so we can make room for positive, life-affirming energy!

Thirty-three days into this diet, and I’m approaching a 20 pound loss. Very proud of myself. Hip hip hooray and all that.

But I miss bacon.

And now I’m having olfactory phantom bacon episodes.

WTF is that, you might ask?

It’s when you smell bacon in the air, but there’s no bacon.

My sweet husband used to make me breakfast every Saturday (and Sunday) morning. Yes, I’m spoiled. Needless to say, I looked forward to it. Bacon and eggs, or bacon and pancakes, toast and jam, hot coffee with cream. All waiting for me when I staggered down the stairs.

Now I have a protein shake. Yummy. Not.

I got up last Saturday in a panic. “You cooked bacon,” I accused him. “How could you?”

He vehemently denied it. “There’s no bacon.”

“But I can smell it.”

He gave me a look of sympathy and handed me my vanilla shake.

My diet coach assures me I’ll eat bacon again. Some day. When all the fat is gone and I’m eating carbs again, she says I’ll be able to eat toast. Sigh.

It can’t come soon enough for me.




3 Responses to “Clutter F**k Club – Diet Update: Phantom Bacon”

  1. Ryder Islington January 31, 2012 at 4:19 am #

    Excellent job on the weight loss! Good for you. My life has gone awry and I haven’t lost a pound this year. Well…not exactly true. I’ve lost five…and gained them back. Try doing that in a month!

    Can’t wait to hear your words of wisdom on decluttering the house by getting rid of small appliances that can’t go to the dump, like microwaves, or laptops. No one wants them, including me.

    • nancyelizabethlauzon January 31, 2012 at 9:38 am #

      Thanks, Ryder! And that’s a great idea, about outdated and old appliances. I’ll cover that subject next week!


  1. Adventures in De-Cluttering « The Chick Dick Mysteries - April 25, 2012

    […] 1. Lose 40 pounds – see Dieting and Diet Update: Phantom Bacon […]

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