Angry Techno Gods

14 Nov

I’ve blogged before about my bad karma when it comes to computers — see Tasty Tuesday — Call Your Local Pizzeria — and I hate to repeat myself, but man oh man, I am CURSED. So far, that’s the only explanation I have. 

Photo courtesy of Flickr: WANA Commons

Got my PC back yesterday, totally upgraded with a new operating system, more Ram, new motherboard … I don’t even know what a motherboard is, but it sounds important. So far, so good.

Except I can’t find my stuff. I call the Techno Wizard in a panic. “Click on the ‘Backup’ file on your Desktop”, he says. I do. That takes me to a window with a list of 4 options: Documents and Settings, Program Files, Users or Windows. I have to ask him which one to click, since he’s not offering to tell me.  By now I can almost hear him thinking, Man, is this chick stupid. But I’m not stupid. I actually have two university degrees. I manage my own WordPress website, I’m active on FB and Twitter, I’m not a complete moron, I promise. But apparently none of that is going to help me much, in this situation.

I click on Documents and Settings, like he tells me to. Now I have 3 choices: Administrator, All Users and User. Again, I have to ask him which one to click. “User,” he says, with attitude. I click User, and now I have 7 choices: Kindle, Desktop, Favorites, My Documents, Start Menu, clipimage_002 and NTUserDat. I’m afraid to ask which one to pick, and by now I figure it must be My Documents, so I click that, since Techno Wizard has gone silent again. And voila … there are all my files. Hey, it only took 4 steps, wasn’t that easy? Because my mother raised me to be a polite doormat, I thank the Techno Wizard and hang up. 

I try to open one of my documents. I can’t. Apparently I have no MS Office program. Fair enough. I’ll just go to the website, whip out my credit card and download it. Hell, I love shopping online, it’s a piece of cake. Right?

Wrong. I try 4 times. Three times it tells me my cart is empty, even though it isn’t, and finally it simply says ‘Server Error 5784878p03879348759837 . So I call the MS Office Support Techno Wizard. Wait for 10 minutes listening to musack. Support TW (short for Techno Wizard) tells me that there’s a problem with the server, and how many times did I try? Four, I tell him. He sounds worried. He tells me I should call my credit card company to make sure I don’t get charged 4 times, just in case it did go through. Then he tells me not to try again for 24 hrs, or maybe use a friend’s computer. I don’t know what this means, exactly. I wouldn’t dream of touching anyone else’s computer at this point, since, as you’ll recall, I broke my son-in-law’s Mac in a matter of seconds, just last week. 

I thank him and hang up. Call the credit card company. I’m put on hold. I press the speaker button and continue working while I listen to more musack. Then I hear a phone ringing. I’m about to talk to a real person. But suddenly my phone goes dead. I have to run into the next room to grab the other phone. Thankfully the Credit Card Lady has stayed on the line, and we manage to establish the fact that there are no charges on my card from Microsoft. Note to self: change the battery on those F***ing cheap ass phones. Better yet, buy better phones.

I soldier on. Now I want to open a MySpace account, because Kristen Lamb, Social Media Expert, suggests it is a good idea. I think she’s amazing. I bought her book, Are You There Blog? It’s Me, Writer, and it’s amazing, too. Kristen could teach these Techno Wizards a thing or two about teaching. 

But MySpace doesn’t want anything to do with me. It keeps insisting I’m using the wrong email and password, even though I just joined, and I can’t get any farther into the process. 

So now I just feel like tearing my hair out. Is there a full moon? Is that why Microsoft TW said to wait 24 hours? 

Stay tuned … I’m sure there’s more to come. Sigh.

16 Responses to “Angry Techno Gods”

  1. PG Forte November 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    Ugh. I hear you on the computer woes. I’ve been told that enlightened people who vibrate at a higher frequency have more issues with electronics than other people. Or so I’ve been told. I don’t actually have many computer issues, myself, but for my husband it’s a never ending struggle. Computers don’t like him…or, you know, he’s more highly evolved. Or something. 😉

    • nancyelauzon November 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

      Hey, now that’s an interesting theory. I’m vibrating too much, LOL. I’m having issues with mechanical things, too. Tried a start my car a little while ago … but the batteries dead. Oye!

  2. kimberleytroutte November 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    Yeah. Computers. Can’t lie without them, and chuck them out the window of a speeding car. When they do decide to mess with you it’s usually epic. Sorry for your woes. I too am going to call an IT guy today. Work email decided to stop sending out of the blue. I must be vibrating.

    • nancyelauzon November 15, 2012 at 10:10 am #

      LOL Kimberley! Our internet is acting up, too. Maybe I live over an ancient computer graveyard.

  3. kathleenkaskawrites November 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    I can sympathize. The key is getting a nice, patience tech person. When I get a condescending one, I thank them, hang up, and call back.
    I need a new top cover for my laptop. It is still under warranty, but in order to have it replaced I have to take it to an “official” Apple dealer and they will take it away from me and send it to the factory. When I heard that, I had nightmares that night. Time is ticking away on that warranty and I just can’t let go of my laptop. I don’t have children, but I image it’s what young parents feel like when they send their child off to school for the first time. They are fairly certain their child will return, but will it be the same wonderful kid.
    Hang in there, Nancy.

    • nancyelauzon November 15, 2012 at 10:12 am #

      I know, your whole life is on your hard drive, and the thought of handing it over is scary. Thanks for stopping by, Kathleen!

  4. Jewel Divas Style November 14, 2012 at 8:02 pm #

    Blimey! I hate it when my pc runs slow. I can clear my cache and cookies etc, all of my stuff is under my documents too, and I know it needs a good dusting on the inside but that will cost money. I also need to get my original pc rebooted and fixed as it died on me two years ago and I’m lacking the money to do it. Or I’m just lazy. As for Myspace I wouldn’t bother. I’ve had an account for over two years and just update it occasionally with html or my bio, no one except musos really uses it any more.

    • nancyelauzon November 15, 2012 at 10:14 am #

      Thanks, Jewel. Yeah, I can’t waste anymore time on it, I do have a life =)

  5. moirakeith November 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm #

    Wow Nancy, sorry for the rough techno day. Maybe you need to make a peace offering to the techno gods?

    • nancyelauzon November 15, 2012 at 10:16 am #

      I would offer them my daughter’s old laptop, except I use it to watch Mary Tyler Moore reruns while I’m on the treadmill. Maybe they’d take an old router or something.

  6. deniseaagnew November 14, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    I’m so late on the uptake here Nancy. I feel you on the tech frustrations. I’ve been having a few small ones here and there the last two weeks. I’m blaming it on Mercury Retrograde and I’m stickin’ to it. Hope it clears up for you very soon!

    • nancyelauzon November 15, 2012 at 10:16 am #

      Thanks Denise! Sure, the Mercury Retrograde theory sounds as plausible as the vibration thing, LOL

  7. Selena Robins Musings November 15, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    Computers and cars, two things that can send me on the ledge when they break down. They are so frustrating, because for the computers you have to sit on hold, that is if you can get anyone to talk to you without handing over a credit card.

    Here’s sending you good thoughts and best wishes to get everything up and running and staying that way!

    • nancyelauzon November 16, 2012 at 8:09 am #

      Thanks, Selena … things have settled down considerably in the computer department, whew!

  8. A. Catherine Noon November 15, 2012 at 7:59 pm #

    Aww. It’s not that bad. Surely it will work after some time…? ~hugs~

    I agree with you. The TW community seems to be composed of humans that weren’t raised as humans.

    • nancyelauzon November 16, 2012 at 8:11 am #

      Maybe they’re aliens, sent to drive us crazy … okay, watching too much sci fi …

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