The End of the World – Part 1

20 Dec

I’m writing this post in advance, because if the rumor is true, the world will end tomorrow — the Winter Solstice of 2012 — and I will be dead, and therefore unable to write this blog. Which probably doesn’t matter, since you won’t be alive to read it, either. So I thought I’d be prepared and write it a day early.

emergency food rationsI haven’t paid much attention to this ‘End of the World’ phenomenon. Something about the end of the Mayan Calendar. I live a rather insulated life, and all I really know is that my eldest daughter turns 30 tomorrow, and I’m trying to decide what to make for her birthday dinner and whether to buy or bake a cake. I guess I must be the most shallow, ignorant, apathetic person on the face of the earth. But honestly, if we are about to get hit by a giant asteroid, what am I supposed to do about it? Run around like Chicken Little? No thanks. I’ll just keep on trucking until I get pulverized into radioactive dust.

There is a website devoted to tomorrow’s date, www.december212012.com, complete with a countdown clock — at the time of this writing we have precisely 2 days, 16 hours, 53 minutes and 50 … 49 … 48 seconds left on our planet. Also, did you know you can purchase a bag of Mainstay Food Rations containing 3600 calories for the low, low price of $7.99? Or stock up, and buy a case of 10 for only $76.00, which saves you $3.90. What a bargain.

The website features a ‘shocking presentation’ video about the 37 things I should start hoarding NOW. So I watched it and learned some very important facts:survival guide

1. Without food and water, I won’t survive. (I’m so glad I listened to this video, or I never would have known this!)

2. When I find out my poorly packaged food is filled with maggots, I will be very demoralized, and my children will be very disappointed in me.

3. If I buy the 37 critical food items featured in the Survive Anything Guide, I can become a ‘disaster go-to guy’ (or gal).

4. Me and my stocked-up family will be inundated with clueless freeloaders after the disaster. (And I know exactly which of my neighbours will show up at my door first.)

5. I’ll know how to get food and water when stuck in a panicked mob.

6. I’ll learn how to smell a food riot. (Hey, I already learned that — in the dining hall at university. Food fight!)

7. The Survive Anything Guide is available for the low, low price of only $203!

I’ll probably be the first person to perish tomorrow, since I’m such a smart ass.

How about you? Have you done anything to prepare for The End of the World?

10 Responses to “The End of the World – Part 1”

  1. Selena Robins Musings December 20, 2012 at 9:47 am #

    Well, call me insulated because I really don’t know much about this Mayan thing, or the Zombie Attacking us thing. I have vowed not to Facebook or Tweet about the end of the world, because I’m sure there will be enough Zombies…I mean people doing it for me.

    Well, right now it is December 21st in Australia, so far as I know they are still standing. Or maybe not, I don’t watch the news.

    If smart assessness gets people zapped, we are certainly doomed. Better go eat all that chocolate I have been resisting right now.

    On a happier note, Happy Birthday to your daughter! Hope she has a wonderful day, dinner, and wishing her many blessings throughout the year.

    • nancyelauzon December 20, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

      Thanks for the birthday wishes, Selena! Hope we talk tomorrow, LOL

      • Selena Robins Musings December 20, 2012 at 8:37 pm #

        I’m not worried, Australia is still standing and it’s tomorrow there. LOL

  2. timdesmondblog December 20, 2012 at 9:50 am #

    Too busy with Christmas to worry. Leading physicists and astronomers say stars and systems “line up” all the time without causing ANYTHING…. Merry Christmas.

    • nancyelauzon December 20, 2012 at 6:58 pm #

      Merry Christmas to you, and thanks for stopping by!

  3. Lafemmeroar December 20, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    Well … I’m going to stock up on batteries if you know what I mean … 🙂

  4. 4amWriter December 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm #

    Honestly? $203? I wonder if anyone bought it. I mean, I really wonder. There’s a sucker somewhere, right?

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