Dating School for Completely Clueless Men: Mr. Big

1 Feb

The first week of my Dating School for Completely Clueless Men has exceeded all of my expectations. The letters keep pouring in.  Clearly there are a lot of clueless men out there looking for The One, and with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I’ve dusted off my Cupid bow, determined to help in any way I can.

Here is this week’s letter:

Mr. BigDear DSCCM:

I consider myself a hot guy, and a great catch for any woman. I go to the gym regularly, work full-time, and even have my own place. But I’m tired of one night stands. I’d like to have a full-time girlfriend. I was chatting up a girl on an online dating site, and we agreed to meet. I picked her up and took her on a tour of a local chocolate factory. I figure women love chocolate, you know? I even bought her a mug. Things seemed to be going great, and as I drove her home she invited me to tell her more about myself. What could I say? I told her I had a big ‘package’, cause I know women like that. The date went sour from there, and I never heard from her again. What gives?

Barry Big

Dear Mr. Big:

If this girl wanted a ‘package’–big or otherwise–she could walk into any singles bar and find it. By wanting to know more about you, it’s clear that she was interested in a more meaningful relationship. Mentioning the size of your junk on the first date might get you laid in the short term, but it probably won’t snag you a full-time girlfriend. Sorry, Mr. Big, but you turned her off with your locker room bragging. Next time a woman asks you about yourself, talk about your postive personality traits … if you have any.

Looking for dating advice for someone you know? Or maybe you have a horrific dating story you’d like to share? Let me hear from you, I’m all ears!

6 Responses to “Dating School for Completely Clueless Men: Mr. Big”

  1. Selena Robins Musings February 2, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    LOL! Mr. Big is big on himself, isn’t he? I don’t think he’s clueless at all, I think he’s stupid. Plain and simple. He probably hangs out with stupid friends, they share stupid dating advice and their stupid meter increases with every breath they take.

    Disclaimer: I do not believe this is the majority of men, there are some terrific guys out there, but alas, there are some real stupid-holes out there as well. To be fair, there are some crazy-ass chicks as well, and I mean crazy as in the Flew over the Coocoo nest, not crazy in the fun way. 🙂

    Fun post!

    • nancyelauzon February 4, 2013 at 8:07 am #

      And apparently my daughter attracts the stupid men like a magnet!

  2. 4amWriter February 4, 2013 at 5:58 am #

    Awesome!

    • nancyelauzon February 4, 2013 at 8:07 am #

      Aren’t you glad you’re out of the dating scene? I sure am!

  3. trjensen May 8, 2013 at 3:20 pm #

    What does a big penis have to do with being in a relationship? Bring up your size on the first date would just make me feel like all the guy was thinking about was sex. Bring up your size at all makes you sound egotistical. I love that your doing this Nancy! It is truly awesome.

Talk to me ;)

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